short story

Writer in Motion 2020: Draft 3, CP comments

I ended up with the most supportive and constructive feedback. My CPs were the best and I appreciate you so much! I am constantly overwhelmed by how supportive the writing community can be. Be sure to look at their stories because they were so heartfelt and suspenseful.

I got a little carried away with note taking and processing my thoughts on the feedback, so I’ll save that for the end. For your enjoyment, here is draft three (WITH A BRAND NEW TITLE!!).

A TENSE EXPERIENCE

This was it. Her final resting place. She was going to die on this dumb mountain without even reaching the top. 

“I’m done.”

“Come on, Wildcat,” Matt called back, already an annoying distance up the trail. “If we drop below fifty this bus will blow.”

“Screw that, Keanu. Let the mountain take me.”

“It can’t be much further,” Matt repeated for the seventh time in the past hour. His perfect ass was no longer enough motivation to keep going. 

“Oh wow. Tessa, look at this view! It’s so beautiful.”

They were on a mountain in a national park. Every bend had a beautiful view, and she was getting pretty damn sick of them. Jesus help her, if he did another handstand, she would push him off this mountain. 

Dragging her feet up the path to where he stopped, she looked out where the trees parted, revealing a clear view. The mountains faded into the distance from a deep, rocky grey to ocean blue and a pale purple. It was gorgeous. If she wasn’t sweating like a pig and gasping like a fish on a freaking mountain this could almost be considered romantic. 

“This would be the perfect backdrop for another inversion.” Matt interrupted her musing.

Before she could respond, he tossed her his phone, threw off his shirt, and flipped himself into a perfect handstand on the cliff. 

“No.”

“But, babe. Look at this view.” He switched his weight to one hand so he could point to the mountains behind him, and she seethed. Could he at least look tired? “My followers will love it. Do it for the gram, babe.”

 “I’m hot. I’m tired. And I don’t even like tea!”

“It’s not about the tea. It’s about the journey to the top.”

“Yeah, pass.” He was a nice guy and the sex was amazing, but she didn’t need another platitude on how “inversions” were about focusing on your foundation. “Don’t get dead,” she called back over her shoulder as she started down the mountain.

“No, wait.” There was an anxious note to his voice that made her turn just in time to see him wobble.

Her eyes met his for an infinite moment, her feet rooted in disbelief, as he tumbled out of view. 

“Matt!”

Tessa was surprised to see Keanu Reeves flash before her eyes. Hours and hours of dramatic explosions and cheesy one-liners while sitting on a lumpy, upcycled couch with boxes of takeout and Matt laughing and cheering Keanu on with her. This was supposed to be something casual. And even if it wasn’t, he was supposed to be safe. Miles up a mountain and he’s still doing handstands. He was supposed to be indestructible, someone who could carry her hopes and fears–her heart–and never die.

“Tessa?” A soft call came from over the ledge. “Are you still there?”

Her heart felt like it had stopped and was restarting as she ran to the edge to find that the cliff was not as sheer as she thought. He clung to the face like a baby opossum on its mother maybe five feet below her.

“Matt! I’m here.”

“I don’t think I can move.” He shifted, and the gravel beneath him began to trickle precariously.

“Hold on, I’ll find help.” The trail, however, remained stubbornly empty of assistance.

“Thanks, Tessa. I really appreciate you, but I might have overdone it with the inversions, and I’m not sure how long I can hang on.”

Damn it! Matt and his handstands. She whipped off her shirt, a shallow part of her glad she picked her cute sports bra for the hike.

Crouching, she slithered to the edge of the cliff, holding a sapling with her free hand to anchor herself. “Ok, I’m going to lower this down to you, but you’re a meaty giant, and I can’t pull you up on my own. Can you do it?” She lowered her shirt over the edge. Stretching as far as she could, it landed about a foot above his head. It would have to be enough.

“Tessa, I’m scared.”

“Pop quiz, hotshot. You’re stuck on a mountain face, and this is your only way out. What do you do?”

He chuckled. “Thank goodness this isn’t a ‘shoot the hostage’ situation.” 

Taking a deep breath, he performed some sort of jump and scramble until he caught the end of her shirt. Tessa’s arm felt like ripping from its socket, but she held on. She could be strong for him, too.

His hand reached the ledge and he was wrapping himself around her before he even fully pulled himself up. “My hero,” he proclaimed, planting small kisses along her cheek and neck until she was laughing too hard to breathe.

“I have to warn you,” she said. “I’ve heard relationships based on tense experiences never work.”

“We’ll have to base it on sex then,” he replied, giving her ear a nip.

A chuckle from outside their embrace brought their attention back to the world around them. A couple appeared from further up the trail, both of them blowing at steaming to-go cups, their presence a reminder that this trail was notsupposed to be death-defying.

“We’re almost there!” Matt grabbed her hand, leading her the few yards up the mountain until the trees parted, and there in a clearing sat a small cottage with a neatly printed sign over the door stating ‘Teahouse.’

Matt walked straight inside and up to the register.

“Two chai teas, please.” Tessa was surprised how much she liked that he remembered the one tea she would drink. He placed his card confidently down on the counter for the barista to take.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied. “We only take cash.”

He turned back to Tessa, his eyes wide and covered his mouth with both hands. “I didn’t even think about bringing cash,” he mumbled through his fingers.

Tessa burst out laughing. “This wasn’t even about the tea. Remember?”

I asked for more big picture and clarity feedback for this round. While I would love to just add a few commas and call it a day, this earlier stage of editing was all about making the content make sense. I’ll beg my next group of CPs for line edits.

Problems to solve:

  • Make the mountain path more clear: show that while it’s annoyingly steep, it’s not supposed to be as treacherous a path as they made it
  • Redundant words: distant/distance, mountain, done
  • The fall sounds like Matt’s POV and should still be Tessa’s: how can Tessa turn to leave and still make eye contact with Matt before he falls over the cliff?
  • Tessa’s reaction to Matt falling: there’s no physical reaction mentioned, and while I picture her freezing out of her insecurities with relationships in general, this is not expressed. Make it clearer!
  • The flash to Keanu is a little confusing: is Keanu sitting on the couch with them? She wishes.
  • Reaction to him falling: Tessa reacts quickly to learning Matt is still alive, but we don’t get her emotional reaction
  • Tessa rescuing Matt: make her position while lowering her shirt more visually clear for the reader.
  • Transition from rescuing Matt to hugging: it’s not there. Do we need to see it visually while we read? should there be some emotion? relief that they made it? embarrassment that they had a near death experience on a relatively easy hiking trail?
  • The other couple comes down the mountain: this is a perfect opportunity to show that the path was not supposed to be this difficult. See: other hikers with to-go cups of tea. Also, make sure it’s clear that the other couple is coming DOWN the mountain.
  • The end: is this an appropriate closing thought for Tessa? Her final revelation feels like the end of a character arc that maybe the readers were kept from because her emotions aren’t out on her sleeve like Matt. Show more of an arc/emotional journey if you’re keeping her final stage/statement.

Sweet baby Jesus, that’s so much to work on. And I have… 3 words of wiggle room to keep it under 1000 words. Stomach dropping, crying, this is the end. Ok. Now I need a plan. I will pick the three Big Things that (I feel) will have the biggest impact on the story, and I’ll take them one at a time. Then, review and see if the other stuff was magically fixed as well. Ok. Game Plan. Queue up Speed soundtrack. Oh, wow. That’s a real thing and it’s very intense. We’ll see how long this last, but Billy Idol isn’t a bad place to start. Now, I’m distracted! Back to the Three Big Things.

  • Clear up the Keanu flashback

1) Tessa’s reaction to Matt falling: how does she see it and what is her emotional reaction?

Wow editing is difficult. So, to figure out how to handle the first item on the list, I decided to dig a little deeper into Matt’s POV. Why is he doing handstands on a mountain? What brought him here?

I realized that he’s a really sweet guy who really does believe that his yoga centered Instagram can help make people happier, and he provides motivational sayings with his posts. I also realized that, while he’s a little vain and vapid at times, he’s head over heels about Tessa and this is something that can come across in his yoga. When doing balance poses, the easiest way (I’ve found) to keep you balance is to focus on something solid and channel that in your pose. I wanted to metaphorically show that Matt had channeled his relationship with Tessa in his pose. He may take it for granted at times (hence tossing the camera to her assuming she will just go with his request), but his confidence in the relationship is what keeps him confident in his pose. So when Tessa turns away to go back down the mountain, his foundation cracks and he loses his balance.

2) Keanu Reeve’s flashback and Tessa’s emotional arc

Something in Tessa’s past has made her close herself off to serious relationships and, hopefully, this becomes apparent during her flashback when she describes Matt as indescribable. The first, and easiest fix, was making it sound like she’s on a couch with Matt and not Keanu Reeves. I rewatched the movie to make sure I had this one sentence right, so there’s two hours of my life well spent.

This is the start of the arc. Tessa has several blasé remarks about Matt at the start of the story, but during this flashback, we see that she’s been holding back despite her best efforts. The moment when she thinks she lost him is when she realizes how much she really had counted on him to always be there. When he calls her name and she learns he’s still there, this is her chance to open up and let him in. Time to whip out ye olde Emotional Thesaurus.

3) Clear up transition from pulling Matt up their reunion

This one was a riddle. I’m already ten words over limit, so how do I add a transition between pulling him up the cliff and them celebrating. In the end, I realized I could move the action to the front of the sentence and delay the dialog until after he’s climbed to the top. Honestly, all of these problems would be solved if I had like fifty more words in my word limit but c’est la vie. Maybe next short story I’ll try putting in less action so I have more room to talk about it.

short story

Writer in Motion 2020: The 1st and 2nd Draft

I got a little behind on making posts, so if you would like to see my first draft, the link is here. The following is the second draft, aka self edits, and I was pleasantly surprised how little I felt like changing–which also worries me… I’ll leave the rest of my thoughts at the end of this post, so I don’t sway your view too much. Enjoy!

This was it. Her final resting place. She was going to die on this dumb mountain without even reaching the top. 

“I’m done.”

“Come on, wildcat,” Matt called back, already an annoying distance up the trail. “If we drop below fifty this bus will blow.”

“Screw that, Keanu. Let the mountain take me.”

“It can’t be much further,” Matt repeated for the seventh time in the past hour. His perfect ass was no longer enough motivation to keep going. 

“Oh wow. Tessa, look at this view! It’s so beautiful.”

They were on a mountain in a national park. Every bend had a beautiful view and she was getting pretty damn sick of them. Jesus help her, if he did another handstand, she would push him off this mountain. 

Dragging her feet up the path to where he stopped, she looked out where the trees parted revealing a clear view. The mountains faded into the distance from a deep, rocky grey to ocean blue and a distant, pale purple. It was gorgeous. If she wasn’t sweating like a pig and gasping like a fish on a freaking mountain this could almost be considered romantic. 

“This would be the perfect backdrop for another inversion.” Matt interrupted her musing.

Before she could respond, he tossed her his phone, threw off his shirt, and flipped himself into a perfect handstand on the cliff. 

“No.”

“But, babe. Look at this view.” He switched his weight to one hand so he can point to the mountains behind him and she seethed. Could he at least look tired? “My followers will love it. Do it for the gram, babe.”

 “I’m hot. I’m tired. And I don’t even like tea!”

“It’s not about the tea. It’s about the journey to the top.”

This was it. He was a nice guy and the sex was amazing, but she would not take one more photo and she was done with this mountain.

“I’m done, Matt. Don’t get dead.” And with that she turned to walk back down the way she came when a swift breeze whipped around the side of the mountain, tangled in his legs, and pulled. 

There was an infinite moment where his eyes met hers before he tumbled out of view. 

“Matt!”

Tessa was surprised to see Keanu Reeves flash before her eyes. Hours and hours of Keanu, sitting on a lumpy, upcycled couch with boxes of takeout food on the coffee table and Matt laughing and cheering Keanu on with her. This was supposed to be something casual. And even if it wasn’t, he was supposed to be safe. Miles up a mountain and he’s still doing handstands. He was supposed to be indestructible, someone who could carry her hopes and fears–her heart–and never die.

“Tessa?” A soft call came from over the ledge. “Are you still there?”

She ran to the edge to find that the cliff was not as sheer as she though. He clung to the face like a baby opossum on its mother maybe five feet below her.

“Matt! I’m here.”

“I don’t think I can move.” He shifted and the gravel beneath him began to trickle precariously.

“Hold on, I’ll find help.” They had to be about three miles up now and the last group that passed was maybe ten minutes ago. There was no telling when the next would come by, or if they would even have any idea how to get him out of this.

“Thanks, Tessa. I really appreciate you, but also I might have overdone it with the inversions, and I’m not sure how long I can hang on.”

Damnit, Matt and his handstands. She whipped off her shirt then, a shallow part of her glad she picked her cute sports bra for the hike.

“Ok, I’m going to lower this down to you, but you’re a meaty giant, and I can’t pull you up on my own. Do you think you can do it?” She lowered her shirt over the edge. Stretching as far as she could, it landed about a foot above his head. It would have to be enough.

“Tessa I’m scared.”

“Pop quiz, hotshot. You’re stuck on a mountain face and this is your only way out. What do you do?”

He chuckled. “Thank goodness this isn’t a ‘shoot the hostage’ situation.” 

Taking a deep breath, he performed some sort of jump and scramble until he caught the end of her shirt. Tessa’s arm felt like it would rip out of its socket, but she held on as he pulled his way back to her. 

“Tessa, you’re amazing,” he cried, wrapping her in his arms and planting small kisses along her cheek and neck. Her heart melted and she pulled him closer, unable to get enough of him.

“I have to warn you,” she said. “I’ve heard relationships based on tense experiences never work.”

“We’ll have to base it on sex then,” he replied automatically, giving her ear a nip.

A chuckle from outside their embrace brought their attention back to the world around them. Another couple appeared around the corner, both of them blowing at steaming to-go cups and pretending they hadn’t heard their entire conversation.

“We’re almost there!” Matt grabbed her hand and they both hurried the few yards up the mountain until the trees parted, and there in a clearing was a small cottage with a neatly printed sign over the door simply stating ‘Teahouse’.

Matt walked straight inside and up to the register.

“Two chai teas, please.” Tessa was surprised how much she liked that he remembered the one tea she would drink. He placed his card confidently down on the counter for the barista to take.

“I’m sorry, sir,” she replied. “We only take cash.”

He turned back to Tessa, his eyes wide and covered his mouth with both hands. “I didn’t even think about bringing cash,” he mumbled through his fingers.

Tessa burst out laughing. “This wasn’t even about the tea. Remember?”

After Frankenstein-ing together a lot of the dialog while making the first draft, I was worried that it would be choppy and maybe skip around. Perhaps it still does and I just know what the characters are supposed to be like.

For example, I knew that Matt was an instagram influencer with an inspirational yoga theme (hence “inversion” vs “handstand”) and a classic himbo: athletic, a little ditsy, and a heart of gold. Picture a yellow lab with a tennis ball and that is Matt.

Tessa is a prickly pessimist with a mushy center that we don’t get to see until it’s forced out of her, and that’s part of what I really like about these two together. There’s something unknown in her past that’s made her close up, but Matt’s openness is a safe space for her to feel soft again and have fun.

I probably revealed everything here instead of letting the story tell the… story. If you would like to read more about how I processed the photo prompt, you can read my post on that here.

As an added bonus, I finished creating a Pinterest board for this short story, so check out that if you would like. I still haven’t come up with a name, though and am growing concerned, so we’ll see how that goes. The title for last year’s story just came so easily, but this year is being allusive.

short story, Uncategorized

Writer In Motion 2020: Initial Thoughts

Photo by Rahul Pandit on Unsplash

This is my second time participating in Writer in Motion, so for more background on that you can check out their page, or my retrospective summary of it here. Ok, with that out of the way, on to this year’s prompt.

When I first saw the photo prompt this year (seen above), my instinct was to listen to Folklore on repeat until a witchy, sapphic, horror story exorcized itself from my body. The only real question left was is this book about a curmudgeon leaving the chaos of the world for this distant cabin or a chipper somebody who finds this mountain dwelling grump and convinces them the world isn’t so bad and they should come back down the mountain. 

I’ve never actually never written anything witchy or horror and I’m sorry to inform anyone salivating for these ideas I’ve suggested thus far, but I continued brainstorming. I understand that short stories are your time to branch out and try something new. That’s what I thought at first too. But then I also thought, today is not that day. 

It was probably because, at the time of my brainstorming, I happened to be hiking up an obnoxiously uphill trail around the NY finger lakes region. Whoever decided waterfalls should be up high is the worst. That’s when I realized this story isn’t about the cabin and whether someone is coming or going from it. It’s about the journey up the mountain. 

Photos by me (2020). From left to right: Watkin’s Glen SP, Buttermilk Falls SP, and Chimney Bluff SP

This week happens to coincide with my wedding anniversary (hence painful excursions up mountains for something cute and romantic like a waterfall). Anyway, the hike reminded me of another impromptu hike up a mountain that Husband and I went on in Banff National park in Canada. The set up was perfect for a romcom short story.

Photo by me (2016) of the Lake Agnes Teahouse in Banff National Park

I ended up recasting the characters. Not that I’m not an amazing subject, but this was more fun with new characters. For my last WIM short story the two main characters were lovers to enemies in a fantasy pirate adventure, but for this one I’m looking at lovers to enemies and back to lovers again in a contemporary romcom.

I’ve already finished the first draft and plan on releasing it hopefully tomorrow (Aug 7). So get ready for a pessimist, a himbo, and a whole lot of references to Speed starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

SPEED, Keanu Reeves, 1994, TM and Copyright (c) 20th Century-Fox Film Corp. All Rights Reserved

short story

Enchanted Palace

“Rose, Sky, Violet, and Amber, I have your queen.” The witch’s voice echoed through the halls of the palace as the four sisters listened, shivering on the drawbridge. “You’ll never save her!” A loud cackle sent their hearts racing. 

“Does she think this is a game?” growled Amber, clenching her fist.

“What is she talking about?” asked Sky, clutching her older sister’s sleeve.

“There is a legend of three tokens,” replied Amber. Spending as much of her day in the library as she could, Amber was the sister most familiar in kingdom lore. “If a princess collects all three tokens, she will have all she needs to defeat the witch and save our mother. She would become Princess of the Kingdom.”

“What do these tokens even look like?” asked Violet, already annoyed by the whole situation. She moved back a strand of long black locks, just enough to see her sister as she continued.

“I don’t know,” Amber replied, adjusting her glasses. “They appear in different places for each person, but the three items should be the same no matter what.”

“We should split up,” said Rose, stepping forward and taking her rightful place as oldest of the four. “I’ll go first and check the throne room. Wait until I enter before following to make sure this isn’t a trap.”

They all held their breath as Rose stepped over the threshold. Nothing happened. She took another step. Again nothing. I guess this search will be rather straight forward then, thought Rose as she continued down the hall and around the corner. She opened the double doors to the familiar, red walls and velvety carpet of the throne room. Standing in stark contrast sat a simple, black lantern. The hairs on Rose’s neck stood on end as she walked over to pick it up. This was too easy.

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“I’ll go next,” cried Sky, scampering forward eagerly. This was her chance. She would be thirteen soon and no longer the baby her sisters saw her as. She only made it to the first doorway when a whinny from within called to her heart. “Buttercup,” she cried, clasping her hands together. “And Chester!” Her two favorite horses were settling in for the night, but she could see from their restless movements that they were just as excited to see her. 

She hurried down the stairs, almost stepping on a small hand-mirror in her haste. What was this doing here? A stable was no place for a mirror. It was pretty though. Sky slipped it into her satchel to show her sisters later before returning her attention to the two horses.

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“We shouldn’t just be exploring without a plan,” said Amber to Violet, the only two still outside. “We should keep track of which rooms have items. A system will be more efficient. I don’t think the witch will leave us to search in peace.” Amber adjusted her glasses again before continuing. “The kitchen is just past the stables. You should take that room and I’ll take whatever is after it.”

“Whatever,” said Violet, rolling her eyes. She was tired of waiting and walked past Amber into the castle. At the kitchen door she stopped and honestly did think about going in, but the room just past the kitchen was the dungeon. Also, Amber wasn’t the boss of her. There was no way she was going into the hot, boring kitchen when she could explore the royal dungeons. Maybe she would find a skull or a rusty skeleton key. 

The dungeon door screeched on its hinges and Violet practically squealed with joy. A single, high window provided the only source of light by the fading sun, falling in a small square in the back corner of the room. In the center of the light, poking out of a pile of hay, lay a skeleton holding a small, pink hand mirror. Cool, thought Violet as she walked closer. Something about the mirror called to her, and it couldn’t just be the rush of being so close to a dead body. She pulled the mirror from the skeletal hand and stuck it in her bag.

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Amber sighed as she watched her sister blatantly ignore her advice to search the kitchen and skip to the next room instead. Deep breath, no problem here. She would search the kitchen herself. The throne room was just around the corner, so the kitchen was the last of the first four rooms in the castle. There was still order, though slightly more chaotic than Amber would have orchestrated on her own. 

The kitchen was covered in pots and cooking implements. Anything could be a magical item, but nothing was calling out to her. As she reached the back wall, the kitchen fire burst into a blaze and the broth boiling in the pot began to bubble loudly and boil over. What was going on? Amber grabbed a nearby towel and rushed to the pot to try and save the broth.

A gratingly-high laugh filled the room and Amber froze mid-step, her hand still reaching for the pot. “And who do I see?” A dark figure emerged from behind the door – the evil witch. “Amber, waiting for me?” Her black, cropped hair was topped precariously with an insult of a crown. A long black cloak hid her, showing nothing but claw-like fingers grasping a long, golden staff. She smiled lazily. “Turn into a frog!”

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There was a loud pop and a flash of light outside the barred window of the dungeon door. Violet froze on the second step gazing up. Something was wrong. She ran up the steps and back down the hall she first walked with Amber. Just as she caught sight of the door, Sky came running from the opposite direction and into the kitchen.

“Amber!” Sky cried. 

Had Sky heard something more? Did she know what was going on? A cackle sounded from the kitchen and Violet hid in a nearby shadow across the hallway. Another popping sound and a bright flash came from the kitchen. A moment later a frog hopped out the door, a comically large, blue bow atop its head.

“What’s going on?” called Rose, coming down the hall from the throne room. “Amber? I thought I heard something.” She passed Violet without seeing her and approached the kitchen, not noticing the small frog with their sister’s bow.

Let her go, a voice said in Violet’s head. Then no one can stop you from becoming Princess of the Kingdom

“Rose, wait!” Violet called, emerging from her hiding spot and catching her sister’s arm steps from the door. “The room is cursed.” She would become Princess of the Kingdom without cheating her sister. Violet pointed at the small frog on the floor, and Rose gasped, covering her mouth as she recognized the blue bow.

“There has to be a way to break the curse,” Rose stated, not looking away from the frog. “Amber is like this, too?”

“I didn’t check, but that’s the room she entered.” Guilt cramped Violet’s stomach as she realized the fate she had nearly dodged and sent Amber to in her place. She let her hair fall in front of her, hiding her face behind a black curtain.

“We have to keep going. Once we defeat the witch, her curse will be broken.” Rose spoke matter-of-factly, hoping her tone would push her doubt away. The evil witch had already stolen their mother. She would not take her sisters as well. Not while Rose could still stop her. “Have you found anything yet?”

Violet bristled at the question. Why did Rose want to know what item she found? Did she want it for herself? “Nothing yet,” Violet lied. She felt the mirror weigh heavier in her satchel. “How about you?”

“I found a lantern in the throne room,” Rose replied, “I was hoping you had found something too and we could team up. We need to finish this game before anyone else is hurt.”

She wants your token, the voice whispered to Violet. Don’t let her take it from you. “We should split up,” said Violet. “Amber said that was the fastest route.”

Rose nodded and walked down the hall and around the corner. Violet waited until she was out of sight before slipping into the garden. She didn’t want Rose following her and seeing her token, stealing her glory. 

The garden was small and simple with a single fountain in the back. The walls were lined with greenery and flowers, and a paved path strolled down the middle. The only sounds were a soft breeze rustling the leaves and the cheerful bubble of the fountain. A small bird hopped from branch to branch, but remained silent. Feeling herself relax, Violet was surprised to find a long, pink wand lying in the middle of the path. Approaching cautiously, Violet picked it up. Immediately, a voice like their mother spoke, filling the whole garden. 

“Cast a spell,” the singsong voice proclaimed.

Violet dropped the wand like it had burnt her and stepped back, glancing around to see if anyone else had heard. This was the answer Rose was looking for – a way to break the curse. They could all work together to save their mother. Someone else will find the tokens before you, her inner voice warned. Leave them. There was no harm in leaving them frogs for now. Once the witch was vanquished and their mother saved, they would surely change back. This would just speed up her victory without her sisters to distract her. 

Stepping widely around the wand, Violet continued to search the garden. Her efforts were rewarded, for there on the fountain lay a golden key. She snatched it up and placed it in the bag with the mirror. Now, all she needed was that lantern, and she knew exactly where to find one.

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Rose walked to the first room around the corner. At the sound of snoring inside, she quickly retreated and closed the door behind her. No need to disturb someone’s sleep when there was still one other room to check first. She continued on to the last room – the music room. 

Inside was whimsically tiled in blue and yellow with a grand piano in the far corner and a man with a lute standing nearby. He stood and bowed as she entered but said nothing further. Rose responded with a brief curtsy, but was too busy scanning the room to start up a conversation. Her gaze landed on a pink stick lying on the floor with a funny star on the top. Curious, she picked it up.

“Cast a spell,” the voice chimed.

This was it! This was the cure she was looking for. Rose ran from the room and back to the kitchen. Careful to not enter, she scanned the hallway until she found the blue bow. She pointed the wand at her sister and a chiming song started. There was another pop and a flash and then Sky sat there on the floor where the frog had been, slightly rumpled but still good as new.

“Sky!” Rose exclaimed and encircled her baby sister in a hug. “You’re back. I was so worried for you.”

“Rose,” Sky answered, equally excited if a bit perplexed by her sisters fervent greeting. She didn’t recall being gone so long, and enjoyed how high she could jump as a frog. But Sky loved warm hugs and would not complain. “I was coming to find you,” Sky continued, reaching into her bag. “I found this and thought maybe it was a clue.” Sky gave Rose a mirror.

“That’s two of the items,” Rose replied. “We just need one more. Where is Amber? Did she find anything?”

Sky’s eyes grew large and dewy, and Rose knew the answer was not a good one. Looking around, Rose realized the wand had vanished. “We’ll save her, Sky,” Rose assured her. “Don’t worry.”

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With the key and mirror safely in her bag, Violet decided it was time to leave and look for that last item – the lantern. As she approached the gate, the bird began chirping excitedly. Violet froze, unsettled by the bird’s sudden activity. An evil cackle came from behind the fountain as the witch climbed into sight.

“And who have we here,” she laughed. “Violet, waiting for me? Turn into a frog!”

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Rose and Sky heard the pop from across the castle and ran. They reached the garden gate, but Rose knew they couldn’t save Violet. She stopped and tried to look in, but silly Sky kept going. Too late, Rose realized Sky still didn’t know the rooms continued to carry the curse after the first spell. Another pop, another flash, and a long cackle from the witch, and Rose was suddenly very alone.

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Violet opened her eyes to find a flower towering over her head. Shrieking, she jumped backwards, but her legs caught under her and she fell on her face. And that’s when she noticed her hands. No, no, no! A pair of green webbed feet lay before her on the giant tiles moving when she told her hands to move. This was her life now. Could it be any worse?

There was another popping sound and a flash, and for a brief moment, Violet knew she was saved. This was clearly a mistake which would now be reversed. But when she turned around, she found another frog with Sky’s blue bow atop her head. Again, Sky? Someone needed to sit down and have a talk with her about cursed rooms. Rolling her eyes, Violet hopped past her sister and out the gate. She couldn’t be saved if she stayed in a cursed room and no frog could be Princess of the Kingdom. 

Traveling was exhausting and took exponentially longer than when she was bipedal. By the time she reached the hall she needed a break. The castle was quiet – no silent. Then, a door hitting the wall as it was flung open and a single set of running footsteps.

“Nothing,” mumbled Rose, passing Violet without even noticing her. “Nothing in the music room.” She continued around the corner, slipping on the smooth floors in her hurry. Violet hopped out of the way just in time to avoid being crushed as Rose crashed to the floor, barely catching herself with her hands and one knee. The impact echoed off the walls and Violet knew that would smart. And yet Rose stood, not even taking a moment to pause and collect herself, and hurried off, a slight limp apparent in her run.

Violet watched Rose disappear around the corner, a sinking feeling creeping into her stomach. Amber was still a frog, Sky was again a frog, and now Violet was also a frog. Rose was all alone.

“Ha ha ha!” The witch’s cackle filled the castle and Violet thought she might be sick. Trumpets blasted from the throne room – the direction in which Rose had just disappeared. 

No! thought Violet as she pushed past the tired burn in her legs and hopped down the hall. Rose was their last hope and now she was gone. Regret sank into Violet as she hurried to the door. She should have been more cooperative. If she had only helped. She saw the wand. She could have saved Amber and they could all be together now. This was all her fault. 

She reached the throne room, the door blurring out of sight as her eyes filled with tears. They would never be human again, and their mother would be trapped forever.

 “I found one!” Rose cried, bursting from the dungeon just past the throne room, a long, pink wand in her hand. Spotting Violet, she pointed the wand. A chiming song started and then a pop and a flash. 

It took Violet a moment to understand she was sitting on the floor. Rose offered a hand and she accepted it, wrapping her arms around her big sister’s waist. 

“Thanks, Rose,” Violet said, smooshing her head into Rose’s shoulder so she wouldn’t see the tears that had broken free.

“Violet, you’re ok,” Rose soothed. “We’re both ok. We have a lantern and a mirror. We just need one more item and this can all be over. What rooms do you have left to check?”

Violet let her go and stepped back, wiping her eyes clear before letting her hair cover her face again. Taking one calming breath, she reached into her bag and pulled out the key.

 “Go to the tower, Rose.”

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Rose took the key from Violet and nodded solemnly. She would not let her sisters down. Running for the stairs, she lit the lantern, scaring away the darkness as she ascended. The lantern cast only enough light to see the next few steps, but she wouldn’t let her momentum falter. Not when everyone she loved was counting on her. 

There was a single empty room at the top of the stairs with a set of barred doors at the back. “Mother?” Rose whispered, unable to believe she had found her so easily.

“Rose,” cried her mother. “Help me!”

“I’m here, mother,” sighed Rose, relief flooding her. She rushed to the door and set the lantern down, fishing for the key and fumbling in her haste. Her hands were shaking from the adrenaline. This would all be over soon.

She dropped the key, the metal falling to the stone floor and echoing in the small space. It landed near what looked like a black curtain. Rose scampered to grab the key but the cloth swallowed it up. She followed the long curtain up with her eyes until she found she was crouching at the feet of the evil witch. 

“Ha!” the witch exclaimed. “You’ll never save her.” The flickering light of the lantern lit the witch’s face from below, casting harsh shadows across her crooked nose and demented smile.

Rose jumped back, feeling for the wall behind her. What was she supposed to do now? The key was gone and all she had left was Sky’s mirror. Pulling it out of her bag, she held it in front of her, wielding it like a weapon. If the witch came at her, she would defend herself.

A small flash off of the mirror caught her eye and Rose glanced around the room, never fully leaving the witch from her sights. Her eyes had finally adjusted to the dim lighting and she noticed a shuttered window near the entrance she had come through. A ridiculous idea started to form, but at the moment that was all she had. 

The witch began to advance, her arms lifting. She was going to curse Rose and no one would be left to save them. Not when she was the only one with all the items. Rose sprinted, half leaping, to the window and flew open the shutters, tearing the latch off its hinges in her haste.

“No, don’t!” the witch hissed, covering her face and retreating to the shadows. Rose had hoped to blind the witch and give her time to grab the key, but this was better still. She was afraid of the light. Stepping into the middle of the room, Rose held up the mirror, directing the light at the cowering witch. 

“This is for my sisters,” she cried. The witch screamed, grasping the wall and trying to shuffle away from the beam, but Rose still saw Sky’s blue bow atop that tiny frog. The scared look on Violet’s face when she was human again. Her mother’s pleas for help. “This is for my mother,” Rose continued pushing the witch out of the corner with her light beam. “And this is for our kingdom.” The witch had finally reached the windowsill and Rose ran and shoved her with all of her might.

“No!” the witch shrieked, her voice carrying the one word as she plummeted to the ground.

Instead of hearing an impact, there was a loud pop and a flash from the stairwell. Her sisters were safe. Now there was just one more member of their family to take care of. Rose scanned the flood for the glint of gold. Grabbing it, she hurried to the cell and unlocked the door. 

“You saved me!” Her mother sat there on the cell floor her arms flung wide and a bright smile upon her face. “You are the Princess of the Kingdom.”

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Writer in Motion – Looking back

Writer in Motion

Last year was my first time participating in Writer in Motion and its second year of existence. The purpose of the project is to write a short story (1000 words or less) in a month based on a photo prompt, and really show your editing process.

The first week, participants write and share a first draft, the second week is self editing, third week exchange your work with a critique partner, and fourth week either exchange again, or if you win the raffle (which I did!) you send your work to an editor before posting your final version. Each draft is posted on the forum so everyone on the internet can see how your story evolved and better understand who are plotters and who are pantsers and who are in between.

Prompt for WiM 2019. Image by engin akyurt from Pixabay

How did I get here?

I first heard about Writer in Motion through twitter, and decided I would participate. However, introvert that I am, I have a history of wanting to participate, but sitting on the sideline and watching when it was time to jump in.

To prevent this from happening again, I energetically entered the raffle to have my writing featured on the site and critiqued by a professional editor. This choice was quickly regretted when I won the lottery and now my amateur writing will be seen by many people who write for a living.

I enjoyed my time in this project, met some new and interesting people, found leads to resources to improve my craft, and I have a short story.

It’s looking like I’ll probably rewrite it again, but that is for the future. I’ll post it in short stories if/when that happens. In the mean time, here is a link to the final draft.

Aesthetic for La Capitaine, by Dani Frank

The Story

I opted for a fantasy adventure at sea for my short story, starring the big hearted but takes no crap, Capitaine Margot Toulouse and her ex(?) turned enemy Captain Guy Roberts.

For those interested in seeing my process but don’t want to navigate through the forum to find them, I have provided some quick links here: